The Guard at the Castle Gate

Ladies - I miss you!  I spoke with Basheerah today and we're both eagerly awaiting the chance to set up a Skype appointment between myself and all of you - it's coming soon.  In the meantime, we're going to do two very specific things:

1.  Take a long slow, deep breath.  Exhale.  Drop the shoulders.  Release tension.  And repeat after me:    
     "If I can create the anxiety, then I can release it."

2.  Let's get angry!  It's time someone got fired, and that someone is the guard standing at the gates of
     your fortress not allowing greatness in, or the old you out.

Things don't happen to us, they happen and we make meaning out of it.

Is there such a thing as reality?  Collectively, perhaps not.  After all, just look at our political system:  One politician's victory is his detractor's disaster!  But individually well all see life as we choose to basedon our own "filter" system, what I call "The Guard at the Castle Gate."

Imagine you live behind the castle wall.  Within those walls of your fortress live your ideas, thoughts, beliefs, dreams, and nightmares.  Each and every minute information comes to you from the outside world... like a messenger from another village.  The guard at the gate is charged with allowing the information to pass through the gate, but only from him, not the messenger.  So if the messenger tells the guard that there is peace in the land, and all is well, the guard may in turn relay them essage as "It's all quiet... a little TOO quiet" and inject fear or anxiety.  This is how our perception filters work.  Billions of bits of information surround us every millisecond of every day and we - only able to process several hundred bits of the information at a time - must choose what we're going to process at any given moment, and - more importantly - how we're going to precess it.  If you're predisposed to believing that you were born to lose, and someone tells you to try out for the soccer team, or run for office, or ask that cute guy out on a date, or you might be next in line for a promotion... it's possible that you will process that hopeful information into "Yeah, but I won't get it," or "He'll just dump me," or  "Good times never last," and you'll never experience the experience for what it is:  AN EXPERIENCE!

In my own life I can tell you that for years the guard at my gate would stand tall, protecting the wall.  When anyone approached to pay me a compliment, I would shout over the wall "What did they say?" and the guard would always respond "You're still a loser!"  Vigilant, smarter than me, and committed to my despair, my guard - who I hired, put in place, and kept paying - did his job masterfully.  Until one day when I realized the only thing stopping me from experiencing the world as it is, not how I think it is, was to remove the guard, and begin listening for new information... information that was already there, but I couldn't hear because of low self-esteem.  I now allow information to flow freely back and forth in my life, hearing the compliments, and also 'being' my best in every situation with the belief that I deserve to be here and deserve to be happy.  Do you feel that way?  Why not?

I just received a letter today from someone struggling with major adversity in her life.  This is the response I gave her:

Your story is heart breaking.  I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling.

There’s some good news I want to share with you.  You Are Not Your Circumstances!  Despite the incredible obstacles you face today and from your past, they bear NO reflection on you as a person, or what you deserve.  You as a person are whole and complete.  You’re not broken, cursed, destined to lose, or undeserving of the best life has to offer.  It just may seem that way based on the events going on around you.

You have a tremendous amount of ‘stuff’ happening in your life right now and when you add it all up, it feels like a black cloud is raining over you while you’re drowning slowly in quick sand.  I get it.

There is no quick fix here, and few things are in your control (the passing of your mother, the injury to your back, etc).  But what you do have control over is how you react to these challenges, and what you say about yourself along the way.  I know it seems little comfort right now, but truthfully, it’s the best thing you can do – and one of the few things you have control over right now.

Each morning is an opportunity for you to rise victorious over one thing: NEGATIVE THOUGHTS.  When you awaken, the first thought in your head will set you up for the day.  Asking “Why is this happening to me?” or “Will this nightmare ever end?” only brings the energy toward the problem.  

You must master this first morning flash of consciousness, and channel your energy toward positive thinking.

Example: My pastor told me once “Nobody wakes up happy and successful, it’s a choice!”  I believe that to be true.  Instead of waking up and thinking “Oh lord, another day of difficulties... How will I manage?”  You have the power to say “Another day above ground.  Good start!  Now... How can I make this the most powerful day possible?”  By asking powerful questions “How can I make this situation work for me?”, or “What do I have control over today?”, or “What can I do to accomplish my goals?” you set in motion the energy needed to answer those powerful questions.

Think of it in terms of CAUSE AND EFFECT.  If you sit in the middle of your problems looking out, all you see in every direction are problems.  You are on the EFFECT side of life, letting it take over all your thoughts and emotions.

To be at CAUSE in your life, try this:  Close your eyes, and see if you can imagine yourself rising above your life right now.  High above – a mile or two – until the bubble of your circumstances below you appears small, almost non-existent.  Now look around and listen.  What do you see?  What do you hear?  The rest of the space in your life is waiting to be filled with possibility, hope, determination, strength, belief, and wisdom.  You have all of that right now, you’re just too mired in you circumstances to see it.

Each morning when you wake, rise above, listen and look for the calming wisdom of the universe.  Don’t jump out of bed, don’t do anything.  The world will still be there and can wait another 10 minutes for you.  Feel its intention for you.  Believe you are worth it.

This is a small step, not the magic bullet you might have been hoping for, but in life there are no magic bullets.  There is only the power we possess to control our reaction.  And by controlling our reaction to things, we send out the signal that we are not effected by these circumstances, we are at cause in our lives, seeking a higher understanding and a more resolute intention for our lives.

Send that message out and see what you get back, the results may surprise you.

I wish you luck, strength, and wonderful mornings.

Coach Steve 

 You're all going through a very difficult time right now, mainly because this is the first time in your life you're truly committed to your own greatness - a relationship you may not have had before.  It can be scary, different, new, uncertain.  AND THAT'S GOOD!

Treat it like going on a blind date with the new you!  Find out all about you... revel in the uncertainty of 'who really is this person, I'm intrigued!'  Make it a game.

Remember, ladies, life is a conversation.  That's all it is.  What are you talking about today?  Your best, or your worst.  If the worst, then bless it and let it go - give it up to God, he'll take it.  What's left if the best of you and that's the person I want you to get to know.

Until we speak again, Coach Steve saying...

Know yourself, don't NO yourself