Ladies, it's the holidays, and that means getting your new selves together with your families. But the mad dash to the end of the year - how did we get here so fast? Wasn't it just July 4th? Okay, so I've got lists to make, packages to send, presents to buy, lines to stand in, bargains to shop, tree to decorate, house to decorate... It's too much!
So how is it that the season of celebration, joy, giving and family gatherings has become the time of the year that is most stressful? Because of the pressure we put on ourselves to have such a magical wonderful time, when things don't always feel that magical.
Visiting the family can be especially tough. As family members, we know each other better than anyone else – foibles, flaws, failures and more. And the hope that maybe this year things will be different turns to anger, distance and resentment when that one button gets pushed and nothing has changed at all. Even in the closest of families – the least dysfunctional – expectations of unity, peace and holiday spirit can be instantly dashed at the moment a family member’s annoying habit poisons our perfect holiday scenario.
Here are the three things you can do this holiday season to hone your family relationship skills and make your holiday gatherings a more positive experience:
1. Limit your exposure: If you know that a certain amount of time spent with a family member gets your blood boiling, then simply plan to spend less time with them. Get in, get out and get on with your life.
2. Practice forgiveness: If you’re carrying any unresolved resentment into a particular situation, you’re planning to have a fight. You’re not going to fix or change this person – especially not during the holiday. So let it go, forgive their past offenses – and suspend your own judgment of them – and see if you can remember what you love about them. Focus on their good attributes. Let’s face it – who among us is perfect?
3. Visualize a great time: Before you spend time with your friends or relatives, take five minutes and visualize yourself driving or flying home from the visit feeling good about it and happy that you spent time with them. Take that peaceful energy into the situation and you will look for ways to create it while you’re there.
We can’t choose our families, but we can choose to accept them for who they are, and allow ourselves to be who we are at the same time. Your holiday is yours to create -- any way you choose. This year choose to be the change you want to see in the family. Be forgiveness, be joy… BE MERRY!
-Be your best!
Coach Steve
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Forgiveness. It starts with you.
I forgive you.
I forgive you for being harder on yourself than anyone else could ever be.
I forgive you for the lies you felt you had to tell to keep yourself safe from scrutiny.
I forgive you for being your own worst enemy.
I forgive you for fighting to be right, especially when you weren't sure if you were.
I forgive you for playing into the fear, and backing out of great opportunities.
I forgive you for the rage which consumed you, clouding your judgement and fueling the abuse to yourself and others.
I forgive you for hurting people, pushing them away, breaking their hearts.
I forgive you for doing your very best and still falling short of your goals.
I forgive you for the judgement you opposed on others who themselves struggle with their own shortcomings.
I forgive you for not saying anything or defending yourself when you were abused by others.
I forgive you for crying wolf when you weren't.
I forgive you for pushing away love while campaigning for it at the same time.
I forgive you for the mis-steps, the wrong turns, the dead ends, the misunderstandings, and the questionable choices.
I forgive you for falling down. Again and again and again and again and again.
And I thank you for getting back up every time.
I forgive you for being harder on yourself than anyone else could ever be.
I forgive you for the lies you felt you had to tell to keep yourself safe from scrutiny.
I forgive you for being your own worst enemy.
I forgive you for fighting to be right, especially when you weren't sure if you were.
I forgive you for playing into the fear, and backing out of great opportunities.
I forgive you for the rage which consumed you, clouding your judgement and fueling the abuse to yourself and others.
I forgive you for hurting people, pushing them away, breaking their hearts.
I forgive you for doing your very best and still falling short of your goals.
I forgive you for the judgement you opposed on others who themselves struggle with their own shortcomings.
I forgive you for not saying anything or defending yourself when you were abused by others.
I forgive you for crying wolf when you weren't.
I forgive you for pushing away love while campaigning for it at the same time.
I forgive you for the mis-steps, the wrong turns, the dead ends, the misunderstandings, and the questionable choices.
I forgive you for falling down. Again and again and again and again and again.
And I thank you for getting back up every time.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Friday Fun Fact
A little something to inspire you today, ladies.
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers, among many other items. were invented by women
Have a great, empowering weekend!
-Coach Steve
Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers, among many other items. were invented by women
Have a great, empowering weekend!
-Coach Steve
Thursday, November 10, 2011
New Coaching Video
Hello ladies! I've posted a new coaching video and would love it if you would take a look. I need as many views as I can get! Pass it on! Thanks!!!!
-Coach Steve
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gswr56fhHe0
-Coach Steve
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gswr56fhHe0
Sunday, November 6, 2011
The Blame Game - "I Get To Be Right!"
Blame. It's an easy thing to assign, but takes a lot of work to avoid. And yet, placing blame or ignoring culpability is what we do best, isn't it?
Not too long ago I found myself living in the past. I was recalling a life transition I had made years earlier: leaving television completely and focusing fully on my coaching services (which ironically is Transitional Strategies!) I caught myself putting aside the excitement of my new path in favor of dwelling on choices I had made in the past which may have steered me away from a growing career as TV host and news personality. And I was reconnecting with the anger I felt years earlier.
As a younger man I loved my TV career. When I started in the business, I was determined to be the top host in the world - landing the best show on TV and giving it my all every week. I landed several big shows on big networks like HGTV, Discovery Channel, and National Geographic Channel, and to keep stability and make more money along the way I worked for a local TV news station doing traffic and weather. I had my goals firmly set, I had a plan for my life and my career, and I saw my finish line.
But all of that changed several years ago when an unusual set of circumstances came together in the perfect storm and I lost all 3 television projects I was working on within weeks of each other. In that one month span my entire plan was wiped out, and I was faced with a blank slate, and no other viable plan to replace it.
But I actually did have a back up plan, and I was already working it, I just didn't give it the credit it was due.
Since childhood I have been a student of enlightenment, motivation and serving others. When I was 10 I helped my grandfather deliver meals on wheels to his friends who were house-bound prompting one of our recipients to remark about me: "That kid has the heart of a volunteer." In grade school I found myself advising all my friends about their home lives, love lives, personal struggles and more. I just came naturally to me, and I had great results with it. I attended my first open AA meeting with my mother at the age of 13, and continued to go on my own for years after.
In college I studied the workshops and teachings of Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Wayne Dyer, Leo Buscaglia, and many others. In my early 30's I completed the Landmark Education Curriculum for excellence, eventually becoming a head coach for Landmark programs in Los Angeles. In my late 30's, after hiring a coach to help me remove a serious personality block, I was so impressed with the techniques he used, I earned my own certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Hypnotherapy and Timeline Therapy. All this work I treated as a hobby as I built my TV career.
But with my chosen career at a sudden standstill, I was faced with a choice - one that I had not considered previously because of my earlier success: Do I continue to pursue the elusive TV deal, or do I do what I've always done so well... help others? I chose the later and never looked back.
Until recently. Which brings me back to my point: Blame.
At the time of my great transition, I was filled with anger and blame for the people I held responsible for my circumstances. I blamed my parents, my brother, the TV executives, the business itself, and anyone else I could think of to fuel my anger and ultimately be right! By being angry at others, I got to be right about my position, and not focus any of the culpability where it belonged. With me.
And that's what blame does - it gives you the freedom to avoid personal responsibility, and be right about your anger. But hanging on to your anger and justifying it with blame only perpetuates the issue and its resolution can remain painfully at bay.
Take my example: As my TV career ended I was absolutely sure that the business and everyone in it was out to stop me from having what I wanted. I blamed everyone for the downfall I experienced and cursed the ones who were successful. I lived in that blame, being right, and staying stuck with no direction to turn.
Then one day, not too long after, I got an email from someone that I had helped when going through my NLP certification. As training, I took on someone (at no charge) who wanted to quit drinking. I had plenty of experience with alcoholism, and with my new NLP tools was able to get her to stop drinking completely. She had just reached her 1 year sobriety milestone and was writing to thank me for changing her life.
The letter floored me.
I realized by the time I was done reading it that from early on in my life I was a major success. My volunteer heart, my love for enlightenment, motivation, and helping others along with my personal experiences all added up to who I have become now. But to get here, I needed to stop blaming others for what were ultimately my choices.
It was my choice to pursue a life in television where very few people achieve lasting success. It was my choice to stay in a career which was so dramatically up and down. It was my choice to try to prove to myself and others that I could achieve the goals I set despite the odds. I chose the life, but I didn't choose it powerfully - which means the bad with the good - and ultimately discovered we just weren't meant for each other. At least not right now.
Accountability set me free from the trap of blind persistence and I, my clients, andyou are all the beneficiaries of that change. I am living my destiny and its effortless.
So what does accountability mean for you? When was the last time you challenged yourself to release blame and take responsibility for your own choices? Pick one time in your life where you blamed others for something that could have been easily your responsibility and revisit the issue. Close your eyes, focus on the whole issue, and see if you can see your part in it.
Look at something differently, and that thing changes.
Be your best,
-Steve
Not too long ago I found myself living in the past. I was recalling a life transition I had made years earlier: leaving television completely and focusing fully on my coaching services (which ironically is Transitional Strategies!) I caught myself putting aside the excitement of my new path in favor of dwelling on choices I had made in the past which may have steered me away from a growing career as TV host and news personality. And I was reconnecting with the anger I felt years earlier.
As a younger man I loved my TV career. When I started in the business, I was determined to be the top host in the world - landing the best show on TV and giving it my all every week. I landed several big shows on big networks like HGTV, Discovery Channel, and National Geographic Channel, and to keep stability and make more money along the way I worked for a local TV news station doing traffic and weather. I had my goals firmly set, I had a plan for my life and my career, and I saw my finish line.
But all of that changed several years ago when an unusual set of circumstances came together in the perfect storm and I lost all 3 television projects I was working on within weeks of each other. In that one month span my entire plan was wiped out, and I was faced with a blank slate, and no other viable plan to replace it.
But I actually did have a back up plan, and I was already working it, I just didn't give it the credit it was due.
Since childhood I have been a student of enlightenment, motivation and serving others. When I was 10 I helped my grandfather deliver meals on wheels to his friends who were house-bound prompting one of our recipients to remark about me: "That kid has the heart of a volunteer." In grade school I found myself advising all my friends about their home lives, love lives, personal struggles and more. I just came naturally to me, and I had great results with it. I attended my first open AA meeting with my mother at the age of 13, and continued to go on my own for years after.
In college I studied the workshops and teachings of Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Wayne Dyer, Leo Buscaglia, and many others. In my early 30's I completed the Landmark Education Curriculum for excellence, eventually becoming a head coach for Landmark programs in Los Angeles. In my late 30's, after hiring a coach to help me remove a serious personality block, I was so impressed with the techniques he used, I earned my own certification in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Hypnotherapy and Timeline Therapy. All this work I treated as a hobby as I built my TV career.
But with my chosen career at a sudden standstill, I was faced with a choice - one that I had not considered previously because of my earlier success: Do I continue to pursue the elusive TV deal, or do I do what I've always done so well... help others? I chose the later and never looked back.
Until recently. Which brings me back to my point: Blame.
At the time of my great transition, I was filled with anger and blame for the people I held responsible for my circumstances. I blamed my parents, my brother, the TV executives, the business itself, and anyone else I could think of to fuel my anger and ultimately be right! By being angry at others, I got to be right about my position, and not focus any of the culpability where it belonged. With me.
And that's what blame does - it gives you the freedom to avoid personal responsibility, and be right about your anger. But hanging on to your anger and justifying it with blame only perpetuates the issue and its resolution can remain painfully at bay.
Take my example: As my TV career ended I was absolutely sure that the business and everyone in it was out to stop me from having what I wanted. I blamed everyone for the downfall I experienced and cursed the ones who were successful. I lived in that blame, being right, and staying stuck with no direction to turn.
Then one day, not too long after, I got an email from someone that I had helped when going through my NLP certification. As training, I took on someone (at no charge) who wanted to quit drinking. I had plenty of experience with alcoholism, and with my new NLP tools was able to get her to stop drinking completely. She had just reached her 1 year sobriety milestone and was writing to thank me for changing her life.
The letter floored me.
I realized by the time I was done reading it that from early on in my life I was a major success. My volunteer heart, my love for enlightenment, motivation, and helping others along with my personal experiences all added up to who I have become now. But to get here, I needed to stop blaming others for what were ultimately my choices.
It was my choice to pursue a life in television where very few people achieve lasting success. It was my choice to stay in a career which was so dramatically up and down. It was my choice to try to prove to myself and others that I could achieve the goals I set despite the odds. I chose the life, but I didn't choose it powerfully - which means the bad with the good - and ultimately discovered we just weren't meant for each other. At least not right now.
Accountability set me free from the trap of blind persistence and I, my clients, andyou are all the beneficiaries of that change. I am living my destiny and its effortless.
So what does accountability mean for you? When was the last time you challenged yourself to release blame and take responsibility for your own choices? Pick one time in your life where you blamed others for something that could have been easily your responsibility and revisit the issue. Close your eyes, focus on the whole issue, and see if you can see your part in it.
Look at something differently, and that thing changes.
Be your best,
-Steve
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
My 'Life as a House'
In 2001, Kevin Kline starred in a movie about George, a divorced father in the final stages of his losing battle with cancer, trying to reconnect with his estranged 16-year-old son, while also rebuilding the broken pieces of his own past by tearing down the dilapidated house left to him by his abusive father, and building a new one in its place. If you haven't seen this amazing movie its worth a watch - mainly for the poignant final words spoken in the film as it fades to black.
The thrust of the tome serves as a window into the core of our struggle as humans - we're all doing our best with what we've been given, despite often appearing to be doing much less in the eyes of those who love and need us the most.
When George demands that his son join him for the summer to help finish building the house, he is met with huge resistance. George's son spends most of the summer trying to get out of the sun-up to sun-down work his father asks of him. By the end of the film, however, George reveals he is battling cancer and he needs his son to finish the house he won't be able to complete on his own. His son, struck by opposing feelings of rage, concern, and needful love, releases his final anger towards his father and becomes the caretaker his father could never be. The two reunite in a final effort to end the cycle of misunderstanding, rage, and abuse, and George's son comes to love his father in a way George's father never earned.
For me the film was the catalyst for my improved relationship with my dad; I was able to see my father as George, the tormented workaholic who was harder on himself than any member of his family, and as a result nearly lost everyone close to him because of his behavior. But my dad, like George, is really a good guy - talented and smart, funny and loving. It was his circumstances (demanding job, impossible home life growing up, demons of his own past behavior haunting him constantly) that kept him from enjoying a life free from the scorn of others he may have hurt. I came to know my father as a person, not an unreachable entity, and I realized that he - like all of us - is doing his best with what he was given to make it in this world.
He's a good man and a really good grandfather, and I'm so happy to have him in my life and in the lives of my children.
For my own story, I was determined to tear away the rotting wood, weak foundations, and leaky plumbing in my 'house' before it became an expensive tear-down. Part of that personal remodel for me was the understanding that while doing my best I am going to stumble, make mistakes with my children and wife, and not always be perfect... and that's okay. I'm doing my best with what I've been given, while seeking wisdom and growth - and that's enough.
What parts of your house need remodeling? Is your foundation strong enough to take on some renovations? Who will benefit from the new you? Wouldn't it be wonderful if at the end of your movie, when your house is complete, you've left a warm hearth in which your loved ones can find comfort?
Be your best!
-Steve
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
FAITH
Persistence is the key to success. Never giving up, never giving in, never giving out - but persevering despite every muscle in your body, every voice in your head screaming "STOP! Go back to when you were comfortable! Life was easier, even though you were miserable knowing you were meant for something better!"
When that voice enters my head I choose to acknowledge it. After all, it is a living thing just like we are and it wants to live! So I simply say "Thank you for sharing, I hear you, now GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
We're getting close to the finish line, ladies. I'm sorry I haven't been around to give you more in-person encouragement, but it doesn't mean I don't think about you ever day, send my thoughts and prayers, and smile at the thought of what you are doing.
It's always near the end when we start to truly test our limits - or more accurately, our limits are truly tested. It's time now to have faith in this process and keep going! See yourself at the finish line and you will make it there.
I'll see you there. I'm so proud of all of you!
Know yourself, don't NO yourself
-Coach Steve
When that voice enters my head I choose to acknowledge it. After all, it is a living thing just like we are and it wants to live! So I simply say "Thank you for sharing, I hear you, now GET OUT OF MY WAY!"
We're getting close to the finish line, ladies. I'm sorry I haven't been around to give you more in-person encouragement, but it doesn't mean I don't think about you ever day, send my thoughts and prayers, and smile at the thought of what you are doing.
It's always near the end when we start to truly test our limits - or more accurately, our limits are truly tested. It's time now to have faith in this process and keep going! See yourself at the finish line and you will make it there.
I'll see you there. I'm so proud of all of you!
Know yourself, don't NO yourself
-Coach Steve
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The NO Zone
Who are you stumbling for? Who are you failing for? Who are you drinking / drugging for?
Tough question, although not really. Often the very people you blame for your problems in your life are the ones you may be hanging your disfunction on as a reason to stay dysfunctional. After all pain, rejection, disappointment - these are simple, expected emotions. Victory, achievement, joy - these are emotions you may not always expect on a consistent basis, but pine for nonetheless.
This is what I call living in The NO Zone; a place we desperately wish we could get out of, but one that is too familiar, certain, and consistent to leave because at least you know what to expect from it. It's safer to stay here and live a life of want, than to venture out and risk losing everything. And so you stay in your corner and develop elaborate schemes to blame outside forces for your immobilization. This blame game is simple: you have a person or event in your life which you wear like a coat, protecting you from risking a more powerful future, a more positive life. Perhaps you have your whole story set up: "He did this, so therefore I am like this..." you'll say to yourself and anyone else who listens. "I'm like this because of this..." you might continue.
Enough.
Today is the day you release your 'reasons' for failure and take on a new story of success - a story you can begin writing right now with these simple phrases...
"Today is the day. I am the person."
"I make the choice, God makes the change."
You already know what you need to let go of to move forward. Jealousy of another, hatred, blame, resentment, and on and on. You already know, but hanging on to these negative emotions let you have one aspect of control over your life - being RIGHT. You get to be right about your anger by making the other person / thing wrong.
And so you stay in The NO Zone getting to be right, and never moving forward.
Are you ready to release this negative aspect and begin anew? Today? NOW?
If so, you have one thing to do - you already know what it is. Do it and the results will astound you.
Today is the day. You are the person. You make the choice, God will make the change.
Choose wisely, powerfully, lovingly... and see what happens.
Know yourself, don't NO yourself.
Tough question, although not really. Often the very people you blame for your problems in your life are the ones you may be hanging your disfunction on as a reason to stay dysfunctional. After all pain, rejection, disappointment - these are simple, expected emotions. Victory, achievement, joy - these are emotions you may not always expect on a consistent basis, but pine for nonetheless.
This is what I call living in The NO Zone; a place we desperately wish we could get out of, but one that is too familiar, certain, and consistent to leave because at least you know what to expect from it. It's safer to stay here and live a life of want, than to venture out and risk losing everything. And so you stay in your corner and develop elaborate schemes to blame outside forces for your immobilization. This blame game is simple: you have a person or event in your life which you wear like a coat, protecting you from risking a more powerful future, a more positive life. Perhaps you have your whole story set up: "He did this, so therefore I am like this..." you'll say to yourself and anyone else who listens. "I'm like this because of this..." you might continue.
Enough.
Today is the day you release your 'reasons' for failure and take on a new story of success - a story you can begin writing right now with these simple phrases...
"Today is the day. I am the person."
"I make the choice, God makes the change."
You already know what you need to let go of to move forward. Jealousy of another, hatred, blame, resentment, and on and on. You already know, but hanging on to these negative emotions let you have one aspect of control over your life - being RIGHT. You get to be right about your anger by making the other person / thing wrong.
And so you stay in The NO Zone getting to be right, and never moving forward.
Are you ready to release this negative aspect and begin anew? Today? NOW?
If so, you have one thing to do - you already know what it is. Do it and the results will astound you.
Today is the day. You are the person. You make the choice, God will make the change.
Choose wisely, powerfully, lovingly... and see what happens.
Know yourself, don't NO yourself.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The Guard at the Castle Gate
Ladies - I miss you! I spoke with Basheerah today and we're both eagerly awaiting the chance to set up a Skype appointment between myself and all of you - it's coming soon. In the meantime, we're going to do two very specific things:
1. Take a long slow, deep breath. Exhale. Drop the shoulders. Release tension. And repeat after me:
"If I can create the anxiety, then I can release it."
2. Let's get angry! It's time someone got fired, and that someone is the guard standing at the gates of
your fortress not allowing greatness in, or the old you out.
Things don't happen to us, they happen and we make meaning out of it.
Is there such a thing as reality? Collectively, perhaps not. After all, just look at our political system: One politician's victory is his detractor's disaster! But individually well all see life as we choose to basedon our own "filter" system, what I call "The Guard at the Castle Gate."
Imagine you live behind the castle wall. Within those walls of your fortress live your ideas, thoughts, beliefs, dreams, and nightmares. Each and every minute information comes to you from the outside world... like a messenger from another village. The guard at the gate is charged with allowing the information to pass through the gate, but only from him, not the messenger. So if the messenger tells the guard that there is peace in the land, and all is well, the guard may in turn relay them essage as "It's all quiet... a little TOO quiet" and inject fear or anxiety. This is how our perception filters work. Billions of bits of information surround us every millisecond of every day and we - only able to process several hundred bits of the information at a time - must choose what we're going to process at any given moment, and - more importantly - how we're going to precess it. If you're predisposed to believing that you were born to lose, and someone tells you to try out for the soccer team, or run for office, or ask that cute guy out on a date, or you might be next in line for a promotion... it's possible that you will process that hopeful information into "Yeah, but I won't get it," or "He'll just dump me," or "Good times never last," and you'll never experience the experience for what it is: AN EXPERIENCE!
In my own life I can tell you that for years the guard at my gate would stand tall, protecting the wall. When anyone approached to pay me a compliment, I would shout over the wall "What did they say?" and the guard would always respond "You're still a loser!" Vigilant, smarter than me, and committed to my despair, my guard - who I hired, put in place, and kept paying - did his job masterfully. Until one day when I realized the only thing stopping me from experiencing the world as it is, not how I think it is, was to remove the guard, and begin listening for new information... information that was already there, but I couldn't hear because of low self-esteem. I now allow information to flow freely back and forth in my life, hearing the compliments, and also 'being' my best in every situation with the belief that I deserve to be here and deserve to be happy. Do you feel that way? Why not?
I just received a letter today from someone struggling with major adversity in her life. This is the response I gave her:
You're all going through a very difficult time right now, mainly because this is the first time in your life you're truly committed to your own greatness - a relationship you may not have had before. It can be scary, different, new, uncertain. AND THAT'S GOOD!
Treat it like going on a blind date with the new you! Find out all about you... revel in the uncertainty of 'who really is this person, I'm intrigued!' Make it a game.
Remember, ladies, life is a conversation. That's all it is. What are you talking about today? Your best, or your worst. If the worst, then bless it and let it go - give it up to God, he'll take it. What's left if the best of you and that's the person I want you to get to know.
Until we speak again, Coach Steve saying...
Know yourself, don't NO yourself
1. Take a long slow, deep breath. Exhale. Drop the shoulders. Release tension. And repeat after me:
"If I can create the anxiety, then I can release it."
2. Let's get angry! It's time someone got fired, and that someone is the guard standing at the gates of
your fortress not allowing greatness in, or the old you out.
Things don't happen to us, they happen and we make meaning out of it.
Is there such a thing as reality? Collectively, perhaps not. After all, just look at our political system: One politician's victory is his detractor's disaster! But individually well all see life as we choose to basedon our own "filter" system, what I call "The Guard at the Castle Gate."
Imagine you live behind the castle wall. Within those walls of your fortress live your ideas, thoughts, beliefs, dreams, and nightmares. Each and every minute information comes to you from the outside world... like a messenger from another village. The guard at the gate is charged with allowing the information to pass through the gate, but only from him, not the messenger. So if the messenger tells the guard that there is peace in the land, and all is well, the guard may in turn relay them essage as "It's all quiet... a little TOO quiet" and inject fear or anxiety. This is how our perception filters work. Billions of bits of information surround us every millisecond of every day and we - only able to process several hundred bits of the information at a time - must choose what we're going to process at any given moment, and - more importantly - how we're going to precess it. If you're predisposed to believing that you were born to lose, and someone tells you to try out for the soccer team, or run for office, or ask that cute guy out on a date, or you might be next in line for a promotion... it's possible that you will process that hopeful information into "Yeah, but I won't get it," or "He'll just dump me," or "Good times never last," and you'll never experience the experience for what it is: AN EXPERIENCE!
In my own life I can tell you that for years the guard at my gate would stand tall, protecting the wall. When anyone approached to pay me a compliment, I would shout over the wall "What did they say?" and the guard would always respond "You're still a loser!" Vigilant, smarter than me, and committed to my despair, my guard - who I hired, put in place, and kept paying - did his job masterfully. Until one day when I realized the only thing stopping me from experiencing the world as it is, not how I think it is, was to remove the guard, and begin listening for new information... information that was already there, but I couldn't hear because of low self-esteem. I now allow information to flow freely back and forth in my life, hearing the compliments, and also 'being' my best in every situation with the belief that I deserve to be here and deserve to be happy. Do you feel that way? Why not?
I just received a letter today from someone struggling with major adversity in her life. This is the response I gave her:
Your story is heart breaking. I can’t imagine the pain you’re feeling.
There’s some good news I want to share with you. You Are Not Your Circumstances! Despite the incredible obstacles you face today and from your past, they bear NO reflection on you as a person, or what you deserve. You as a person are whole and complete. You’re not broken, cursed, destined to lose, or undeserving of the best life has to offer. It just may seem that way based on the events going on around you.
You have a tremendous amount of ‘stuff’ happening in your life right now and when you add it all up, it feels like a black cloud is raining over you while you’re drowning slowly in quick sand. I get it.
There is no quick fix here, and few things are in your control (the passing of your mother, the injury to your back, etc). But what you do have control over is how you react to these challenges, and what you say about yourself along the way. I know it seems little comfort right now, but truthfully, it’s the best thing you can do – and one of the few things you have control over right now.
Each morning is an opportunity for you to rise victorious over one thing: NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. When you awaken, the first thought in your head will set you up for the day. Asking “Why is this happening to me?” or “Will this nightmare ever end?” only brings the energy toward the problem.
You must master this first morning flash of consciousness, and channel your energy toward positive thinking.
Example: My pastor told me once “Nobody wakes up happy and successful, it’s a choice!” I believe that to be true. Instead of waking up and thinking “Oh lord, another day of difficulties... How will I manage?” You have the power to say “Another day above ground. Good start! Now... How can I make this the most powerful day possible?” By asking powerful questions “How can I make this situation work for me?”, or “What do I have control over today?”, or “What can I do to accomplish my goals?” you set in motion the energy needed to answer those powerful questions.
Think of it in terms of CAUSE AND EFFECT. If you sit in the middle of your problems looking out, all you see in every direction are problems. You are on the EFFECT side of life, letting it take over all your thoughts and emotions.
To be at CAUSE in your life, try this: Close your eyes, and see if you can imagine yourself rising above your life right now. High above – a mile or two – until the bubble of your circumstances below you appears small, almost non-existent. Now look around and listen. What do you see? What do you hear? The rest of the space in your life is waiting to be filled with possibility, hope, determination, strength, belief, and wisdom. You have all of that right now, you’re just too mired in you circumstances to see it.
Each morning when you wake, rise above, listen and look for the calming wisdom of the universe. Don’t jump out of bed, don’t do anything. The world will still be there and can wait another 10 minutes for you. Feel its intention for you. Believe you are worth it.
This is a small step, not the magic bullet you might have been hoping for, but in life there are no magic bullets. There is only the power we possess to control our reaction. And by controlling our reaction to things, we send out the signal that we are not effected by these circumstances, we are at cause in our lives, seeking a higher understanding and a more resolute intention for our lives.
Send that message out and see what you get back, the results may surprise you.
I wish you luck, strength, and wonderful mornings.
Coach Steve
You're all going through a very difficult time right now, mainly because this is the first time in your life you're truly committed to your own greatness - a relationship you may not have had before. It can be scary, different, new, uncertain. AND THAT'S GOOD!
Treat it like going on a blind date with the new you! Find out all about you... revel in the uncertainty of 'who really is this person, I'm intrigued!' Make it a game.
Remember, ladies, life is a conversation. That's all it is. What are you talking about today? Your best, or your worst. If the worst, then bless it and let it go - give it up to God, he'll take it. What's left if the best of you and that's the person I want you to get to know.
Until we speak again, Coach Steve saying...
Know yourself, don't NO yourself
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Steve on Maria Shriver's Home Page!
Check out my blog post for Maria Shriver's home page:
http://bit.ly/pKbqR9
It's all about what stops you and how you can hit the target for success!
Coach Steve
http://bit.ly/pKbqR9
It's all about what stops you and how you can hit the target for success!
Coach Steve
Face your fears!
Hi ladies! I'm winging off to New York this week and have just a limited time, but I wanted to say hello and that I'm thinking about all of you and the hard and important work you're doing to better your lives and the lives of others!
Upcoming:
• I'm going to be sending copies of my book to Basheerah to hand out to all of you, I hope you enjoy it.
• We're also talking about setting up a Skype session between myself and all of you sometime in the very near future. I want to talk with you all and see in person the wonderful transformations I'm hearing about.
Finally, I wanted to share with you my blog post for "Know yourself, don't NO yourself" this week. I hope it inspires you to look beyond fear and focus on a successful outcome. Here's the link: http://stevetruitt.blogspot.com/2011/09/fear-itself.html
Be good to yourselves and each other and I'll see you all very soon!
Be your best,
Coach Steve
Upcoming:
• I'm going to be sending copies of my book to Basheerah to hand out to all of you, I hope you enjoy it.
• We're also talking about setting up a Skype session between myself and all of you sometime in the very near future. I want to talk with you all and see in person the wonderful transformations I'm hearing about.
Finally, I wanted to share with you my blog post for "Know yourself, don't NO yourself" this week. I hope it inspires you to look beyond fear and focus on a successful outcome. Here's the link: http://stevetruitt.blogspot.com/2011/09/fear-itself.html
Be good to yourselves and each other and I'll see you all very soon!
Be your best,
Coach Steve
Monday, August 29, 2011
Don't fix it, just feel it.
Ladies! I hope you're all doing great, I trust that you are.
By now you should be seeing results from your hard work with Basheerah, she tells me you all can be very proud of the work you're doing. I'm also hoping you're seeing results from the homework you've been doing as well. This work was designed to coincide with your workouts to get you in the frame of mind to feel better on the inside as well as the outside.
So for this week, I want to focus on the things that are coming up for you as a result of being challenged.
Often when we endeavor to be stronger people, our roadblocks get stronger too. That little devil that sits on your shoulder and tells you that you can't accomplish anything is being threatened now, and she wants to LIVE! So you can bet she's going to do what she can to knock you off balance.
How is she doing it? That little voice? That doubt? That painful memory suddenly re-hashed? The old excuses creeping back in? However it shows up, you can bet that the stronger you get, the stronger your challenges get.
So... what's the best way to fight that little devil on your shoulder? Let her know this: "I hear you, I get you, but I'm determined to get better so thank you for sharing, but get out of my way!" That way you don't need to try to get rid of her - it takes too much energy.
Often we try hard to 'fix' what we think is 'broken' about us. We fight with our negative side, trying to prove it wrong, but that just wears us out. Instead, by acknowledging the negative and stepping around it, we can move forward as a product of choice, not desperation to escape the negative! Make sense?
And when it comes to the emotions that are coming up... go ahead and feel them. They're real, but they're not happening now, so you can see them, acknowledge them, let them hang out for a while, etc. But like an over-stayed house guest, eventually you just need to kick them to the curb.
So for this week, I want you to allow the feelings to come, look at them, and then let them go - blessing them, thanking them for sharing, them let them go. Your past has been held hostage inside of you for far too long, set it free and you will be free too!
Know yourself, don't NO yourself.
By now you should be seeing results from your hard work with Basheerah, she tells me you all can be very proud of the work you're doing. I'm also hoping you're seeing results from the homework you've been doing as well. This work was designed to coincide with your workouts to get you in the frame of mind to feel better on the inside as well as the outside.
So for this week, I want to focus on the things that are coming up for you as a result of being challenged.
Often when we endeavor to be stronger people, our roadblocks get stronger too. That little devil that sits on your shoulder and tells you that you can't accomplish anything is being threatened now, and she wants to LIVE! So you can bet she's going to do what she can to knock you off balance.
How is she doing it? That little voice? That doubt? That painful memory suddenly re-hashed? The old excuses creeping back in? However it shows up, you can bet that the stronger you get, the stronger your challenges get.
So... what's the best way to fight that little devil on your shoulder? Let her know this: "I hear you, I get you, but I'm determined to get better so thank you for sharing, but get out of my way!" That way you don't need to try to get rid of her - it takes too much energy.
Often we try hard to 'fix' what we think is 'broken' about us. We fight with our negative side, trying to prove it wrong, but that just wears us out. Instead, by acknowledging the negative and stepping around it, we can move forward as a product of choice, not desperation to escape the negative! Make sense?
And when it comes to the emotions that are coming up... go ahead and feel them. They're real, but they're not happening now, so you can see them, acknowledge them, let them hang out for a while, etc. But like an over-stayed house guest, eventually you just need to kick them to the curb.
So for this week, I want you to allow the feelings to come, look at them, and then let them go - blessing them, thanking them for sharing, them let them go. Your past has been held hostage inside of you for far too long, set it free and you will be free too!
Know yourself, don't NO yourself.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Follow me!
Hey sporty girls... I'm collecting followers for my weekly blog, "Know yourself don't NO yourself!" and I would love to have you on board.
If you're into it - please join here: http://stevetruitt.blogspot.com/2011/08/joy-chosen.html
Also... since I'm shamelessly promoting myself... won't you please 'like' me @ www.facebook.com/stevetruittcoaching and follow me on Twitter @stevetruitt
Awesome! so many wonderful insights on the way!
I think of you every day and am sending you my very best!!!
Coach Steve
If you're into it - please join here: http://stevetruitt.blogspot.com/2011/08/joy-chosen.html
Also... since I'm shamelessly promoting myself... won't you please 'like' me @ www.facebook.com/stevetruittcoaching and follow me on Twitter @stevetruitt
Awesome! so many wonderful insights on the way!
I think of you every day and am sending you my very best!!!
Coach Steve
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Staying Strong!
Ladies, Ladies, Ladies! What an amazing journey you're on! You've been working so hard to transform you lives inside and out and I applaud you for that - don't stop, you're really making a dent!
I hope that you've been able to not only complete the first two homework assignments, but also start to get some insight into what it is that has held you back in your life so far, and find some inspiration to feel more power in your daily lives.
So for this week, I want you to get bold with finding out how you occur to others. This can be as simple as asking your neighbor, family member, or friend "What do you think are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What do you like best about me? What is the one thing I could let go of to improve my life?"
These questions are key to understand how others see you - why is this important? because sometimes we may not know that the very thing we're trying not to have anyone see is the very thing everyone sees very clearly - if that's the case, it's important to know that all the energy we spend trying to be someone else my be in vain, and that energy can be spent simply being our BEST!
Have fun with this, and let the person you're talking to know that a 'nice' answer will not help you, they need to be honest with you - AND YOU CAN'T ARGUE OR RESPOND BACK - they need to know that their answers are going not be held against them. Thank them, and write it all down in your journal.
Good luck with this one, seek the truth and be bold!
Know yourself, don't NO yourself!
Coach Steve
I hope that you've been able to not only complete the first two homework assignments, but also start to get some insight into what it is that has held you back in your life so far, and find some inspiration to feel more power in your daily lives.
So for this week, I want you to get bold with finding out how you occur to others. This can be as simple as asking your neighbor, family member, or friend "What do you think are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What do you like best about me? What is the one thing I could let go of to improve my life?"
These questions are key to understand how others see you - why is this important? because sometimes we may not know that the very thing we're trying not to have anyone see is the very thing everyone sees very clearly - if that's the case, it's important to know that all the energy we spend trying to be someone else my be in vain, and that energy can be spent simply being our BEST!
Have fun with this, and let the person you're talking to know that a 'nice' answer will not help you, they need to be honest with you - AND YOU CAN'T ARGUE OR RESPOND BACK - they need to know that their answers are going not be held against them. Thank them, and write it all down in your journal.
Good luck with this one, seek the truth and be bold!
Know yourself, don't NO yourself!
Coach Steve
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Homework Week Two
Hi Ladies,
I trust that Basheerah and the crew are keeping you all busy and sweaty! Congratulations on staying with it and working hard on yourselves!
I'm sure all of you have completed your first week's homework and you all should have your journals now. If you don't, get one and put your first week's homework in there. GET IT DONE before doing this week's!
Okay, so for this week, the focus is on letting go of the past.
1. PICK ONE TIME EARLLY IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU FEEL IS SO DRAMATIC ENOUGH OF A NEGATIVE MEMORY THAT IT HAS KEPT YOU FROM BELIEVING YOU COULD SUCCEED. You already know this story, because you still tell it all the time. Write down every detail of that story in your journal. Write what happened, and also how what happened made you feel - the emotional impact it had on you, the emotions you felt as a result of what happened.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Write an opposite wish from the story that holds you back, such as: "I wish I could be happier"; or "I want to have more time to myself" or something that you believe would make your life better.
Have fun with the exercise and leave nothing out! Save this all in your journals!
Know yourself, don't NO yourself!
Coach Steve
I trust that Basheerah and the crew are keeping you all busy and sweaty! Congratulations on staying with it and working hard on yourselves!
I'm sure all of you have completed your first week's homework and you all should have your journals now. If you don't, get one and put your first week's homework in there. GET IT DONE before doing this week's!
Okay, so for this week, the focus is on letting go of the past.
1. PICK ONE TIME EARLLY IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU FEEL IS SO DRAMATIC ENOUGH OF A NEGATIVE MEMORY THAT IT HAS KEPT YOU FROM BELIEVING YOU COULD SUCCEED. You already know this story, because you still tell it all the time. Write down every detail of that story in your journal. Write what happened, and also how what happened made you feel - the emotional impact it had on you, the emotions you felt as a result of what happened.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
2. Write an opposite wish from the story that holds you back, such as: "I wish I could be happier"; or "I want to have more time to myself" or something that you believe would make your life better.
Have fun with the exercise and leave nothing out! Save this all in your journals!
Know yourself, don't NO yourself!
Coach Steve
Monday, August 8, 2011
Inspiration
Hey ladies. I just published a new post on my coaching blog which will also appear in Maria Shriver's personal site this month. Check it out: www.stevetruitt.blogspot.com
Know yourself, don't NO yourself
Know yourself, don't NO yourself
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Update on Homework
Hi ladies,
I know there's been some confusion about the homework. Here's the deal: You don't have to post the answers to the blog, just write them down
In fact - why don't you all get a JOURNAL and begin writing down your journey there! This will be a great way to track your own thoughts, progress, and homework in the same place.
The homework is designed to get you thinking - you don't have to send it to me. The blog comment spot is more to get each other pumped and ask any questions, or to share any breakthroughs with the group.
Hope this clears things up...
Know yourself, don't NO yourself!
Coach Steve
I know there's been some confusion about the homework. Here's the deal: You don't have to post the answers to the blog, just write them down
In fact - why don't you all get a JOURNAL and begin writing down your journey there! This will be a great way to track your own thoughts, progress, and homework in the same place.
The homework is designed to get you thinking - you don't have to send it to me. The blog comment spot is more to get each other pumped and ask any questions, or to share any breakthroughs with the group.
Hope this clears things up...
Know yourself, don't NO yourself!
Coach Steve
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
HOMEWORK!
A message from Coach Steve...
Okay, now for the homework. Please make sure you do all the homework this week and have it done by the time I give you the next week's assignments. Also, if you have any questions or INSPIRIATION you want to share with the group, post a comment below. So, if you're ready, here we go!
HOMEWORK:
1. Clean and organize your work space. Throw away all the junk and no longer matters
2. Wash and vacuum your car. Toss out the trash and organize that trunk space!
3. Answer the following questions based on the person you feel you are right now in this moment in life:
WHO AM I ? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
WHAT DO I WANT?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
STRENGTH TO ME IS:
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
That's it! have a great week!
"Know yourself, don't NO yourself"
-Coach Steve
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Welcome and here we go!
SportyGirls! It was an amazing weekend and I'm so proud of all of you for making into the SportyGirl Fitness crew. Basheerah and Christine and Obi are going to push you and test you and challenge you to your limits, but when you're done, the results will be amazing.
For my part, don't expect an easy time from me either! Ha! Yes, I'm your Life Coach and I'll be challenging you mentally as you confront the things from your past which have stopped you from having success in your life up to this point.
If you haven't signed up to receive updates from this blog, please do so now... just to the right of this post. I'll be assigning you homework each week, and sending you video messages to keep your spirits up as well.
MAKE SURE YOU DO THE HOMEWORK! It's designed to support you in your goal of transforming your life.
I also encourage all of you to respond to my posts with your own comments, questions, AND breakthroughs as they come along. I'll be checking in every day, so feel free to write and inspire the other ladies as well.
This will work if we all stick together and support each other!
So... sign up, stay tuned, and BE your best!
"Know yourself, don't NO yourself"
-Coach Steve
For my part, don't expect an easy time from me either! Ha! Yes, I'm your Life Coach and I'll be challenging you mentally as you confront the things from your past which have stopped you from having success in your life up to this point.
If you haven't signed up to receive updates from this blog, please do so now... just to the right of this post. I'll be assigning you homework each week, and sending you video messages to keep your spirits up as well.
MAKE SURE YOU DO THE HOMEWORK! It's designed to support you in your goal of transforming your life.
I also encourage all of you to respond to my posts with your own comments, questions, AND breakthroughs as they come along. I'll be checking in every day, so feel free to write and inspire the other ladies as well.
This will work if we all stick together and support each other!
So... sign up, stay tuned, and BE your best!
"Know yourself, don't NO yourself"
-Coach Steve
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